Not going to lie, most of 2017 was hell. I was on depression pills, not taking any care of my health at all, so my weight went up and up. Lost what little faith I had in myself and was never looking for the light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how much food or whiskey I consumed it would not help at all. It took a while but after months of thinking, well over thinking, I managed to over come it all by coming up with a simple thought “see to yourself first”. Yes a very basic rule of thought but for me its helped me to get back on the right track, and now we are just starting 2018 its worked out even better now because of setting new goals and targets for the year.
I have brought up before about my huge goal of getting on the transplant list, this goal has some smaller goals that once completed will get me on the transplant list, for example my mum and I are taking part in a 10k that is taking place in march and am going to sign up to a 10k course thats called the beast but more on that when that happens later in the year. For each of these runs I will need to push myself to lose weight and get fit and by taking part in these runs my mood and motivation will be at a point that its never been before. Each small goal helps for the bigger goal, well calling a 10k a small goal might be silly but for me its not. To help me lose weight am kinda covering my tracks, I bought myself digital scales also a 100 day food diary, blood pressure monitor that goes on my wrist, wearable weights, and the tool thingy that doctor use to listen to your heart. All of these things will help me to keep track and also keeping note of my calories that I eat and burn will also help me to keep the weight off.
This year I will be turning 30 and am not worried at all about it because no matter what happens, happens; meaning that am not going to worry about the things that I cant do anything about. In the past I have been worrying about being alone and feeling like I was not good enough for the people in my life but this year am not really giving a crap to any of that because worrying did nothing good, I know am great for anybody and I have learned that people come and go in our lives and is its meant to be then it will be. For once I don’t mind the feeling of being lonely, it gives me time to see to myself but when it comes to the dating scene am just going with the flow and not getting my hopes up because I know my life right now is crazy and I don’t blame anybody if they find it to much to deal with. On twitter, Hideo Kojima tweeted that “creators are lonely, no time to hang out with friends or family”, this year am going to be working on my creative side a lot more because of the website and the vlog alone and because all my close friends have got wife’s/girlfriends and also friends of there own, this means when they are busy with them,I would be at home not doing much but this year am just going to be having my own adventures, there will be times that I will ask if they want to go with me but I know the chances of them joining are slim because of how busy they can be and am not mad about it, its just that I need to stop depending on others for a good time, that’s all.
I have held back for all of my life, only pushing myself when someone was there to help me, to scared to let it all go and push myself, playing it safe. This year I will be letting go of the things that were holding me back, over the course of 2018 am going to drop my restraints and let go, not going to take anybodies crap. Hard work beats talent, and this year will show that, from me.
“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. that’s why its called the present”